Awesome manz!
*will edit this post soon because i'm going to ask for that verse again. Thank You Adrian! Hope no one reads my blog*
Sunday, July 17, 2011
I found my Purpose.
After Pst. Kong preached about Counting your stars, i was so desperately searching for that speacial word in Season. i am so happy that i've found one today when this crew/friend shared with me a verse when we were talking about the shots we give/show when we are doing our shots.
Thursday, July 7, 2011
What's your Dream school. The school that you are/were dying to get in.
What's your Dream school. The school that you are/were dying to get in.
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
Happy Birthday My Beloved Ning!
This is a post to myself.
This is a post made to you very first on 23January2011 around 3am. You took more than an hour to write this post.
Ning,
Every time I look at you, there’s really many things about you I really dislike especially your stubbornness but at the same time, I Love your stubbornness.
Sometimes, your stubbornness brought many many and really really lots of lots of misery to yourself, sometimes it brought heartache to your love ones, sometimes your stubbornness brought upon many troubles and problems to yourself, sometimes your stubbornness destroys some part of you, sometimes your stubbornness wasted some part of your life away and… sometimes your stubbornness brought you to success, victory… yes, it does save you… sometimes… some of the times.
Ning, I have to say… every time I look at you, I feel that you are extraordinarily special… There’s really a unique specialty about you that I really admire you. Some times I ask, who is ning?! Have she became another person or what?! You are so unique that whatever things you do in life, you are constantly… So frequently asking for that something. That something is always being looked down by others, being criticized by others, laughed by others. You always think and say the most crazy things that nobody would even want to think about it… You always plan to do the impossible things. You cried secretly in your room every time you feel discourage, sad, troubled… helpless and also… when you are lack of support. No matter what you face, I really like it that… many times, you said and readily prepared for defeat but always trying to make that little small change in a split second when it’s really near defeat. I like to see how discourage you becomes when you plan to give up on yourself… because if you don’t I guess you would have died long time ago.
I admire you… I really admire you for praying to that unknown God and pluck out the courage you had when you were so young saying so confidently, so boldly to mom and dad in front of that idolized altar saying that you will become a Christian one day, some day… You went searching for that something alone in the 1st place… I really like the Journey you had in searching for that something… Because you were so young back then, no one told you anything and you went around naively asking and searching for that something. Many laughed at you and made you a laughing stock but Thank Goodness, you were found and you have found.
I really like how you told yourself to have the courage to overcome things when you were 7. You forced yourself to enjoy and like things that many girls don’t. You wanted to get rid of having phobia towards insects that you forced yourself to catch cockroaches every time when it visit your house. You gave yourself challenges to catch insects and explore them, u saw the interesting patterns on those creatures and the different textile by putting them under bright lights for exploration. Eventually you fell in love with insects and always saying how beautiful they are although many said you have lose your mind.
Although I really wants to write more but I guess I will stop the story her straight. All I wanted to say is… Where have all your courage gone to? Weren’t you very bold back then? Since young, you always believe that no matter how impossible a situation is, everything can be done, now you have God, what are you hesitating? Work on it as it will surely definitely benefits you in future and of course in the journey of achieving your dreams and making your vision come true… and I’m sure all this I have written is something you are lack in and stopping you to do a wonderful portfolio.
Always remembers your motto: Strive for the best of the BEST. Excellence, Outstanding, Impressive, Creativity must never be out of your work.
Remember that your work have to meet up your own expectations, without anyone of this you know, you won’t be able to Shine for God. Because Excellence, Outstanding, Impressive, Creativity comes from God. Never for get that! I hope you will continue to work hard for your dream and even harder for that vision. Your Dream is the skeleton of the Vision that God is constantly expanding. Love you.
From Dearest and Most Sincerely,
God and Zining.
27th April 2011: Hi Ning, today is your Birthday, I wish you a Happy Birthday and hope that all this things you wrote to yourself on 23 January 2011 by you haven’t been forgotten by you.
Saturday, April 9, 2011
I'm see my Childhood dreams coming to pass one by one.
After seeing how some of my Childhood dreams(Simple dreams) coming to pass one after another and after another... Somehow, i got the desires to make some of my goals coming to pass...
Just a self reminder to myself.
1. Learn to make a book that's really good in quality.(the sewing of the papers together are perfectly sewed tightly and neatly. The papers that are 'clipped' together have to be neat and in place. The hard cover have to be nicely wrapped/glued with the 'cover' of the book.
2. Write a Fairy Tale Novel or maybe not a fairy tale one. Regarding Love despite the condition of the 'broken' world. (i plan to take 3-5years to complete this book. It's not about the time, it's more about the process of writing the novel while many different things running through my mind.
3. Doing a Movie... Focusing on meeting the different kinds of needs of children.
This are the current TOP3 things that are on my list. No.1 is a must to do. While No.2 and No.3...... Hopefully God will want me to do it????
No.2 was inspired by my friend Rachel who use to write on novel and post in in a site and sharing with me asking me to read it. She always always encourage me by putting the stories i have in mind to act, by writting it down as a story, but i never once put it to act.
No.3 was... because... of the impact i got from my Childhood memories and growing up during my childhood days....
Anyway, i got into Lasalle. I believe it's really the Work of God.
Planned to actually come up with many many Artworks and bring it down during the interview to show my Interviewer...
But then... i came up with a 2nd plan. I don't know why... It's really not something that's desirable in my eyes... But i ended up having my 2nd plan done.
i only... did... 3-4pictures(within 9hours) and i went hunting my past drawing in my room and everything and i brought it down for my interview... At first i thought it have VERY little to show.. but well... i guess... it turns out to be the opposite way. Anyway... THANK GOD!
Just a self reminder to myself.
1. Learn to make a book that's really good in quality.(the sewing of the papers together are perfectly sewed tightly and neatly. The papers that are 'clipped' together have to be neat and in place. The hard cover have to be nicely wrapped/glued with the 'cover' of the book.
2. Write a Fairy Tale Novel or maybe not a fairy tale one. Regarding Love despite the condition of the 'broken' world. (i plan to take 3-5years to complete this book. It's not about the time, it's more about the process of writing the novel while many different things running through my mind.
3. Doing a Movie... Focusing on meeting the different kinds of needs of children.
This are the current TOP3 things that are on my list. No.1 is a must to do. While No.2 and No.3...... Hopefully God will want me to do it????
No.2 was inspired by my friend Rachel who use to write on novel and post in in a site and sharing with me asking me to read it. She always always encourage me by putting the stories i have in mind to act, by writting it down as a story, but i never once put it to act.
No.3 was... because... of the impact i got from my Childhood memories and growing up during my childhood days....
Anyway, i got into Lasalle. I believe it's really the Work of God.
Planned to actually come up with many many Artworks and bring it down during the interview to show my Interviewer...
But then... i came up with a 2nd plan. I don't know why... It's really not something that's desirable in my eyes... But i ended up having my 2nd plan done.
i only... did... 3-4pictures(within 9hours) and i went hunting my past drawing in my room and everything and i brought it down for my interview... At first i thought it have VERY little to show.. but well... i guess... it turns out to be the opposite way. Anyway... THANK GOD!
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
I want to ...
I want to study in F.I.T. someday after I'm graduated from Lasalle and SOT
and
Have my own apartment in Manhattan/NY.
Living with 3of my good/best gf.
Have more than enough for living, food, transportation, travelling, school fees, shopping, electricity bill, phone bill, taxes, shopping, books, magazines subscription, arts and crafts materials, Macbook pro, iMac, Mac Pro, healthcare, hygiene care, garden...
Basically, having more than enough to survive, to have a apartment that is more than 200ft and less than 500ft, and also to have more than enough to meet my needs and fulfilling my cravings and desires.
I know it sounded quite impossible as I know that having a apartment in Manhattan/NY doesn't comes cheap but its Okaye because I believe God will make a way for meh.
and
Have my own apartment in Manhattan/NY.
Living with 3of my good/best gf.
Have more than enough for living, food, transportation, travelling, school fees, shopping, electricity bill, phone bill, taxes, shopping, books, magazines subscription, arts and crafts materials, Macbook pro, iMac, Mac Pro, healthcare, hygiene care, garden...
Basically, having more than enough to survive, to have a apartment that is more than 200ft and less than 500ft, and also to have more than enough to meet my needs and fulfilling my cravings and desires.
I know it sounded quite impossible as I know that having a apartment in Manhattan/NY doesn't comes cheap but its Okaye because I believe God will make a way for meh.
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Tuesday, March 15, 2011
God has a plan for me.
Ytd marks the 2nd day of my work. Ytd, I realised my beloved Chris quitted this job few months ago. I thought I would see her again this year. Who knows? She is no longer working for my uncle.
Having both SOT cam2 and working for my uncle being offered, of course, I wanted SOT cam2 badly since going to SOT this year was what I planned. But to my disappointment, the graduation date and my school will definitely clash for about a month or so...
So I decided to work for SOT but... hmmmmm... u may guessed it right, well I feel tt God closed the door of SOT cam2 for a purpose.
I must take precaution Everytime I'm alone in the office. My uncle ONLY have 1worker who works in the workshop(on the 1st floor) and a uncle who lives and sleeps over at the top;2nd floor. Yes, that little of workers.
When I went to work with my uncle during the 1st day of my work, I would say, the work place is no longer that down to earth compared to before.
I hate it when all the workers came up to the 2nd floor and smoke with my uncle, which is just right beside me*roll eyes hard hard*
Yes, the most unexpected one is, my pay will be very very little(from the way my uncle describes and sound, its like as if $5/h work is better.)
Another thing, I will only starts earning ONLY when the signage I design is what my clients wants(but first I have to learn how to design it first). Which is really a great challenge. I heard over the phone that the design of the Signage went wrong from one of the client and heard tt it was one of a big deal so the client was so unpleasant about the Signage faults, he spit on the Signage and refuse to pay up and worse come to worse, the designer went missing.
Indeed, a great challenge for me.
If u want to know the truth, I will tell u the truth... I prayed for a minimum pay of 1.3k a month or at least $900 and yes, this means that I will start from scratch and learn from the resources I'm given(*cross finger hard hard* I hope someone will teach me and guide me, Oh God, please be kind to me).
Another Great challenge I feel is, test from God, every day, EVERY SINGLE DAY, my uncle would never ever fail to ask me to stop being so committed to church as much of my time are 'wasted' away.
Yes, of course I'm sad la. But its Okaye.
I uses Facebook, go to mymodernmet, checking out stumbleupon, eat, rest my eyes for at least 20mins, draw on my sketch book in my uncle office, checking out my uncle's big cutting machine and going in and out of the workshop cum office many times to.meet up w clients. And in order to have ur client to agree to work with u, u have to smoke a cig for what I was told, 'socializing'. God oh God, I quitted smoking from about half century already, no way am I going to pick it up again!!!
Seriously, this work is a great challenge for me compared to SOT cam2. Perhaps, God really wants to stretch me. God bless mehhhh!
Lol... this post is made through self experience, visual seen, voices heard, my opinion and my point of view. With my heart and soul, I can swear upon this that this post was made purely out of wanting and desiring to keep it as a memory like in a diary.
With all the much Lovely love,
Ning
Easy doze off.
Having both SOT cam2 and working for my uncle being offered, of course, I wanted SOT cam2 badly since going to SOT this year was what I planned. But to my disappointment, the graduation date and my school will definitely clash for about a month or so...
So I decided to work for SOT but... hmmmmm... u may guessed it right, well I feel tt God closed the door of SOT cam2 for a purpose.
I must take precaution Everytime I'm alone in the office. My uncle ONLY have 1worker who works in the workshop(on the 1st floor) and a uncle who lives and sleeps over at the top;2nd floor. Yes, that little of workers.
When I went to work with my uncle during the 1st day of my work, I would say, the work place is no longer that down to earth compared to before.
I hate it when all the workers came up to the 2nd floor and smoke with my uncle, which is just right beside me*roll eyes hard hard*
Yes, the most unexpected one is, my pay will be very very little(from the way my uncle describes and sound, its like as if $5/h work is better.)
Another thing, I will only starts earning ONLY when the signage I design is what my clients wants(but first I have to learn how to design it first). Which is really a great challenge. I heard over the phone that the design of the Signage went wrong from one of the client and heard tt it was one of a big deal so the client was so unpleasant about the Signage faults, he spit on the Signage and refuse to pay up and worse come to worse, the designer went missing.
Indeed, a great challenge for me.
If u want to know the truth, I will tell u the truth... I prayed for a minimum pay of 1.3k a month or at least $900 and yes, this means that I will start from scratch and learn from the resources I'm given(*cross finger hard hard* I hope someone will teach me and guide me, Oh God, please be kind to me).
Another Great challenge I feel is, test from God, every day, EVERY SINGLE DAY, my uncle would never ever fail to ask me to stop being so committed to church as much of my time are 'wasted' away.
Yes, of course I'm sad la. But its Okaye.
I uses Facebook, go to mymodernmet, checking out stumbleupon, eat, rest my eyes for at least 20mins, draw on my sketch book in my uncle office, checking out my uncle's big cutting machine and going in and out of the workshop cum office many times to.meet up w clients. And in order to have ur client to agree to work with u, u have to smoke a cig for what I was told, 'socializing'. God oh God, I quitted smoking from about half century already, no way am I going to pick it up again!!!
Seriously, this work is a great challenge for me compared to SOT cam2. Perhaps, God really wants to stretch me. God bless mehhhh!
Lol... this post is made through self experience, visual seen, voices heard, my opinion and my point of view. With my heart and soul, I can swear upon this that this post was made purely out of wanting and desiring to keep it as a memory like in a diary.
With all the much Lovely love,
Ning
Easy doze off.
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Thursday, February 17, 2011
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
I'm sorry but I don't give my heart away easily.
I know whom I have once fallen deeply and madly in love with.
I know whom i have secretly and peeking-ly have crush with.
I know whom I have keep in my heart under 'interested' category.
I know whom I have envied and thought/wish to be with him.
BUT above and beyond all this Limerences, who said that I will give my heart away easily to those whom is part of what I have mentioned above.
I had 4ex-es 1silent break up(tho its silent but its damn hurtful alright?! Coz the guy's feeling towards me faded.), 1 broke up with me, 2 I broke up with them.
Through this 4puppies and nails, I have been through the ups and downs and I know the sweet and bitter feelings of Love. I know the taste. I know how it smells like.
If you were to ask me about my impression towards Love and relationship, I would say... my overall impression to it is... Sweet!
Although I have made some stupid vow like "only attach after my 19th birthday." That doesn't mean that I won't break my vow.
Let's see about how things goes. Frankly speaking,
1. I don really have many guys friends whom I'm close with. Even those close ones ain't my ideal type.
2. I have this issue of being very conscious of the numbers of times i'm out with guys.(bad things happened in the past which mould me to be like this. Damn it! I hate having such issue! It's depressing!!)
3. After typing all this, I have done my calculation like... long long time ago that... if such issue continues (issue: *refer back to no 1.*), I guess... I will only be attach at the age of 21.
Having so much thought of having a baby by the age 18, I ROFL at myself after doing my calculation last year. Anw... that was just my thought when I was little.
Actually... I want to be a young mummy. Forget about what I have just typed.*
Hmmm...
this is how I plan... I have to at least be a very close friend of my Mr Right for at least 1year then we can talk abt being into r/s. ;)
Dont wanna talk about this topic anymore. Am gg back to nap.
I know whom i have secretly and peeking-ly have crush with.
I know whom I have keep in my heart under 'interested' category.
I know whom I have envied and thought/wish to be with him.
BUT above and beyond all this Limerences, who said that I will give my heart away easily to those whom is part of what I have mentioned above.
I had 4ex-es 1silent break up(tho its silent but its damn hurtful alright?! Coz the guy's feeling towards me faded.), 1 broke up with me, 2 I broke up with them.
Through this 4puppies and nails, I have been through the ups and downs and I know the sweet and bitter feelings of Love. I know the taste. I know how it smells like.
If you were to ask me about my impression towards Love and relationship, I would say... my overall impression to it is... Sweet!
Although I have made some stupid vow like "only attach after my 19th birthday." That doesn't mean that I won't break my vow.
Let's see about how things goes. Frankly speaking,
1. I don really have many guys friends whom I'm close with. Even those close ones ain't my ideal type.
2. I have this issue of being very conscious of the numbers of times i'm out with guys.(bad things happened in the past which mould me to be like this. Damn it! I hate having such issue! It's depressing!!)
3. After typing all this, I have done my calculation like... long long time ago that... if such issue continues (issue: *refer back to no 1.*), I guess... I will only be attach at the age of 21.
Having so much thought of having a baby by the age 18, I ROFL at myself after doing my calculation last year. Anw... that was just my thought when I was little.
Actually... I want to be a young mummy. Forget about what I have just typed.*
Hmmm...
this is how I plan... I have to at least be a very close friend of my Mr Right for at least 1year then we can talk abt being into r/s. ;)
Dont wanna talk about this topic anymore. Am gg back to nap.
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Monday, February 14, 2011
I dare not take the risk. Perhaps I'm not ready for.anything that's related to Love.
"What should I do???!"
So, I just walked normally pass him but at the corner of my eyes, he turned and looked at me walking pass him. So I quickly look at my phone instead and secretly told myself in heart...
"Thank goodness that I didn't look at him."(I believe that our eyes are expressive. So, if I were to return that glances back to him, I would probably gave him the eyes of lust.)
Yes, I'm really afraid to fall in love with him like... again!; a person whom I don't know a single thing of except for his name. Although I did prayed something like... "... I don mind if he changes to a better person..." but still... things are different now compared to before.
Tho I'm afraid, but in heart I feel happy. Like a stupid person.1thing I must thank God for is really... I'm no longer madly in love. For me, Being madly in love =mentally ill= depression. Which turns out to be scientifically true!!!!!!
Meowwww~ I still believe that I will find my Mr.Right for sure. :)
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Thursday, February 3, 2011
新年初一后的思考
Had an awesome day. Had a gathering with my mom’s siblings and my grandpa+grandma. It was really great as we all sat together and had small little chats. Frankly speaking, it has been very long ever since we last sat down and talk.
Yesterday, my paternal grandma asked me if I’m attach or not. It’s like… everyone is excited for me to get attach… Yesterday, after Reunion Dinner, I went home, sat on my Big chair in my room and think for awhile. This will be my plan for this year: Focus on my Portfolio, Get into Lasalle, Work for my Uncle, Continue to focus on my portfolio, master all the things that I’ll be learning in school from the month of July.
Simply, focusing on the things that I have planned for myself this year. I don’t plan to get into any relationship. Seriously… I tried hard to shake away the negative thoughts in my mind but every time I asked myself this question, “Zining, Do you want to get into any relationship, if yes, when?” Well, the truth is, I get really disappointed and upset whenever I think of it. Currently, Getting into Relationship is the topic I want to push away far from myself the most. Maybe Next year? Alright, I plan to ONLY get involve in Relationship after mid of 2012. At the same time, right now, got to try to overcome what’s in my mind and the things that disappoints me.
This year, few days ago, I told myself that I want to achieve something BIG for myself, may OR may not be related to my dream and vision. Well, actually, I want to participate in events OR activities OR competitions that will inspire people at the same time, knowing how much my self worth is and at the same time creating values in my life. Let’s be frank. I spent half of my life wanting, visualizing, planning, telling people how much I wanted to be a model and now, although I have something else to focus in life and run after in life, I felt that, I shouldn’t just let go of that dream that I had few years ago. I shouldn’t give up.
Back then, I spent time, effort and self practices(mirror practices of speech, catwalk-ing to and fro in my living room, watch videos after videos of what does it takes to become a model(runway), I did many stretches to force myself to become taller each day, I learn to groom myself better from those short clips, I pray to God hard, I went to look for companies after companies to see if any wants me(they only wants my $$ to build a portfolio), I went to interact with models and befriends with them… etc etc… Simply, I put lots of effort into it and when I decided and came to a conclusion that this will never work for me, I became depress and wanted to give up this dream of mine. In fact, becoming a Runway model was the 1st dream I ever had and was also the the 1st dream I put very much effort in trying hard to make it come true. Back then, due to the amount of depression and lack of support and verbally abused, I somehow put that dream of mine to a rest and I haven’t been talking about it nor thinking about it for about a year until recently, few days ago…. I felt that although I’m building up my portfolio for my Fashion Design course, although I’m running after my so called 2nd dream, I SHOULDN’T let my 1st dream just die away like that, in fact, I want to do something OR something even better to recue this 1st Dream of mine.
I want to be beautiful as a whole. I don’t want to be or neither look beautiful on the outside and have a corrupted heart and personality on the inside. I have seen people with the beauty on the outside and when they speak all the rough words, vulgarities all came out from their mouth, which ISN’T beautiful AT ALL! In fact, I find it really really ugly and I don’t want to be like that. I don’t speak vulgarities, I stopped using rough words but there’s something in me I’m still lack of which is stopping me to be beautiful and there’s something I’m lack of to become 1.
从新年初一开始, 我要把事做的跟好， 做的最好。 我不要因为自己的自私而拖累别人。我要用自己的能力和实力在加神的力量把事做的最要好， 为上帝服务， 也给上帝我最好的服务和精神。 我要做个女强人。
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Alright, I will listen to You, I will let it go.
The other day, I shared something like… qualify, disqualify or whatever—crappy things..
but HEY! it’s really not crappy at all! Because right now it’s only left with one… So I heard my Heavenly Father spoke… It was the same speech as last year and last last year but this time it was more encouraging for me. And I finally let it go just with a blink of my eyes. I didn’t cry, I didn’t tear, I didn’t feel sad nor did I feel down.
I believe it was the voice of my Heavenly Father saying.. “Let him go my child, you have been holding on to him for this few years. You know he is not for you, my child. Why did you refuse to let him go?”
I replied in a depressing tone.. “Because I really love him… I really do.”
“Let him go, and I will bless you with someone who is more deserving of you.”
“God, do I even deserve such a good men? Do I even deserve a good built up creation of yours? I don’t feel so. I really don’t.”
“Yes, you do, my child. Each and every person in this world, I specifically, uniquely created them and because you are my child, you do. Let my words be planted in your heart and be bless!”
Somehow… I guess(because I’m still having doubts..)… I think i know who is the men that God wants to bless me for eternity… But…
I really don’t know… I’m unsure if it’s my thinking or God’s word. So I just let it be… I shared with some of my friends and those who knows it are actually quite happy for me… but I guess… i ‘m still having a little doubt. :/
- - -
Btw, I shared with A FEW people that one of my friend recommended me a friend… okaye… NO MORE, NO MORE! The other day I was praying and my God says “He’s not the one.” But I didn’t tell the person who recommended me… Because I only heard the voice a few weeks after I’m being recommended but thank goodness that during the same week… the guy feels that I’m not for him! Happy MAX!
Saturday, January 22, 2011
Among each and every person I know, I’m the most stubborn person ever.
This is a post to myself.
Ning,
Every time I look at you, there’s really many things about you I really dislike especially your stubbornness but at the same time, I Love your stubbornness.
Sometimes, your stubbornness brought many many and really really lots of lots of misery to yourself, sometimes it brought heartache to your love ones, sometimes your stubbornness brought upon many troubles and problems to yourself, sometimes your stubbornness destroys some part of you, sometimes your stubbornness wasted some part of your life away and… sometimes your stubbornness brought you to success, victory… yes, it does save you… sometimes… some of the times.
Ning, I have to say… every time I look at you, I feel that you are extraordinarily special… There’s really a unique specialty about you that I really admire you. Some times I ask, who is ning?! Have she became another person or what?! You are so unique that whatever things you do in life, you are constantly… So frequently asking for that something. That something is always being looked down by others, being criticized by others, laughed by others. You always think and say the most crazy things that nobody would even want to think about it… You always plan to do the impossible things. You cried secretly in your room every time you feel discourage, sad, troubled… helpless and also… when you are lack of support. No matter what you face, I really like it that… many times, you said and readily prepared for defeat but always trying to make that little small change in a split second when it’s really near defeat. I like to see how discourage you becomes when you plan to give up on yourself… because if you don’t I guess you would have died long time ago.
I admire you… I really admire you for praying to that unknown God and pluck out the courage you had when you were so young saying so confidently, so boldly to mom and dad in front of that idolized altar saying that you will become a Christian one day, some day… You went searching for that something alone in the 1st place… I really like the Journey you had in searching for that something… Because you were so young back then, no one told you anything and you went around naively asking and searching for that something. Many laughed at you and made you a laughing stock but Thank Goodness, you were found and you have found.
I really like how you told yourself to have the courage to overcome things when you were 7. You forced yourself to enjoy and like things that many girls don’t. You wanted to get rid of having phobia towards insects that you forced yourself to catch cockroaches every time when it visit your house. You gave yourself challenges to catch insects and explore them, u saw the interesting patterns on those creatures and the different textile by putting them under bright lights for exploration. Eventually you fell in love with insects and always saying how beautiful they are although many said you have lose your mind.
Although I really wants to write more but I guess I will stop the story her straight. All I wanted to say is… Where have all your courage gone to? Weren’t you very bold back then? Since young, you always believe that no matter how impossible a situation is, everything can be done, now you have God, what are you hesitating? Work on it as it will surely definitely benefits you in future and of course in the journey of achieving your dreams and making your vision come true… and I’m sure all this I have written is something you are lack in and stopping you to do a wonderful portfolio.
Always remembers your motto: Strive for the best of the BEST. Excellence, Outstanding, Impressive, Creativity must never be out of your work.
Remember that your work have to meet up your own expectations, without anyone of this you know, you won’t be able to Shine for God. Because Excellence, Outstanding, Impressive, Creativity comes from God. Never for get that! I hope you will continue to work hard for your dream and even harder for that vision. Your Dream is the skeleton of the Vision that God is constantly expanding. Love you.
From Dearest and Most Sincerely,
God and Zining.
I'm NOT perfect.
In my blog, almost everything are RANDOM! So... since you are here reading this, like it or not,, is really up to you...
In my blog i really typed out how i think, what i feel, things i wanna say and what's in my mind and of course... Vent my anger(in the past?)
Many many times i have thought of deleting my old blog and this blog's past entries although i REALLY REALLY do have the urge to do it but i want to let those happy and unpleasant memories to be a history...
I think i become very real as in a person when i blog... i write down my thoughts here, my struggles, my happiness(not a lot, i know), my emotions, my problems and my troubles.
I thought of deleting almost ALL the entries... But i reallly want to be Real to people about who i am...
I really have thought of things like... ...
What if the person i likes reads this?
What if the person whom likes me reads this?
What if i'm being judged?
What if people dislike me because of all this...?
Then again... i really want people to know who i was/am and what kind of person i am...
But... please take note that... I will never reveal things like...
-my visions
-things that my Heavenly father have spoken to me about...
-things which i feel i need to be improve...
-my crush
-ppl i like/interested
:D This 5 things above, if u wanna know, get to know me better then!
In fact have to be one of my close friends. :)
I really hope i would stop venting my anger and stop writing stupid things on... Blog, Facebook, Twitter and also verbally speaking it out... LOLs... Hopefully i will reaally stop... and of course... i think i should really trust my brother more... it's really unfair for him that all my friends have my trust(even that little bit of trust counts) but... my brother doesn't... Let me be frank... My brother did many many things that made me lose trust in him many time from the day we know how to communicate till now... 1 good example...
Always reading my Dairy w/o my acknowledgement and worse... spreading it to my mom, dad and his friends... Irritating much? Happens many times u know?! Lol... But... i try...
if i nev try, i won't know...
In my blog i really typed out how i think, what i feel, things i wanna say and what's in my mind and of course... Vent my anger(in the past?)
Many many times i have thought of deleting my old blog and this blog's past entries although i REALLY REALLY do have the urge to do it but i want to let those happy and unpleasant memories to be a history...
I think i become very real as in a person when i blog... i write down my thoughts here, my struggles, my happiness(not a lot, i know), my emotions, my problems and my troubles.
I thought of deleting almost ALL the entries... But i reallly want to be Real to people about who i am...
I really have thought of things like... ...
What if the person i likes reads this?
What if the person whom likes me reads this?
What if i'm being judged?
What if people dislike me because of all this...?
Then again... i really want people to know who i was/am and what kind of person i am...
But... please take note that... I will never reveal things like...
-my visions
-things that my Heavenly father have spoken to me about...
-things which i feel i need to be improve...
-my crush
-ppl i like/interested
:D This 5 things above, if u wanna know, get to know me better then!
In fact have to be one of my close friends. :)
I really hope i would stop venting my anger and stop writing stupid things on... Blog, Facebook, Twitter and also verbally speaking it out... LOLs... Hopefully i will reaally stop... and of course... i think i should really trust my brother more... it's really unfair for him that all my friends have my trust(even that little bit of trust counts) but... my brother doesn't... Let me be frank... My brother did many many things that made me lose trust in him many time from the day we know how to communicate till now... 1 good example...
Always reading my Dairy w/o my acknowledgement and worse... spreading it to my mom, dad and his friends... Irritating much? Happens many times u know?! Lol... But... i try...
if i nev try, i won't know...
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
i will love my 2011.
This year will be the best year for me! :D Last year wasn't that bad just got screwed up by nonsensical people. Definitely won't let such a joke happens! I'm going to search for my star! :D
So have you thought of a solution to ur problem of grades needed to enter Lasalle?
No. i don't need a solution. If they accept me, it's God's will. If they don't, i believe that God have something better for me.
Whao First FormSping Post. So What Question Should I Write Next? Leave A Answer Or Comments Thank :D
LOL! How i know what question should you write next? How bout your new year breakthrough? :)
Exchanged again.
We exchanged our glance to one another again. Yet, again. 3years have passed, why did we exchanged again? Yet again, it was a close one. Every time when it happens, it's like as if we are so near yet so far... i think deep, i prayed hard, i cried out. None, none of them are the ones which i'm willing to be... ... and i somehow gave up on it. My friends came to encourage me, i gave up on myself for that, i pushed them all away and i said to God, no, no more. Then i see you again. I ask myself, why is it you again?
Isn't having a crush on you enough? ain't falling for you hard enough?
Seriously... i said enough is enough. I said i don't want means don't want. Even though when i saw you, you made me changed my mind but... too much things happened that made me decided not to have any in future ever again But then... i know i would disappoint my parents for that... so... let time heal.
I promise myself that, those who were there screwing it all up, you guys don't stand a chance. My doors are closed to you... Especially that jerk who screwed up my best friend and my life. i really get annoyed when i think about what had happened and how screwed up it was... Seriously... it annoyed me and makes me feel very irritated as many things happened, it was not only that jerk thing... Trust me, because of those annoying screwed up things, it made me became hard on many guys. For 1 good reason: Fear.
Frankly speaking, if people were to ask me, is there anyone who will stand a chance, i would say yes, 2. Only that 2. The rest don't really qualify. Those who screwed up part of my life are definitely disqualify.
Good... Through this post... i have made myself very very clear, i suppose.
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
For one moment, i suddenly thought of dying and ending my life.
i didn't do well for my O'levels. I told many and sweared to myself to go all outs to force my way into Art School and get that particular course. Then, this morning Xiaoyu called and told me that She got a bad news and that is...
Her boyfriend went to Lasalle and helped us checked things out and found out that... In order to get in, we need ATLEAST 4 passes with at least Grade C6 and/or above. It was a horror to us. Right after i hanged up her call, i lied on my bed and felt total all lost. i didn't know what to do and for a moment, i thought of ending my life.
Well, what ever things i do in life, there will definitely be a reason behind it all. Not an excuse but REAL reasons. So i thought of a reason behind my suicide. That reason was... I'm unable to go for what i want as i failed terribly.
As i was thinking of commit Suicide, suddenly, many many, EXTREMELY lots of things rush to my head straight. Fast. Memories after memories just like a short 10seconds of different memories starts playing in my mind and then i was reminded...
Of my hardwork, Of God. I admit my O'lvl Art paper 1 was a last minute work, i admit that i screwed up my Paper 2, i admit that my N'lvl Art was extremely last min but behind all this, there's a great hardwork in it. Many nights have been sacrificed for the urge to complete it... In fact i have sacrificed many many things to make my dream come true. If i were to die right away, what am i to myself?
What for working so hard, praying so hard, hoping so hard, sacrificing so much, finding all help in the first place?
Right now, as i'm typing all this, i just suddenly got reminded of my Vision. I am reminded how that tiny little small vision like a mastered seed expanded so big. I shouldn't stop.
When this vision of mine come to pass, not only it's my dream come true but it's also a dream come true to many many people.
Forget about the Money. Forget about the price-tag for the current state. I'm wanna make it happen. I wanna study Fashion Design. i want to learn to transform an ordinary fabric to something wearable in my own way, to something that looks so outstanding that many will be impress constantly.
I want to Shine for God. I still have hope as i was told that we are sill able to apply. TOmorrow, i will be going over to XiaoYu's placve which is just 50m away from my place to brain-stomp something out. We... need to think of a solution!
Sunday, January 9, 2011
Disappointed.
I thought Everything was over and settled. Yes it was over and settled in a very messy, demanding, upset way. (<-This is what i feel.)
I don want to share much here because it's really something very sensitive as i have already share enough.
Although it was put to an end but i guess the worse thing is that such related stuff appear 1week later on some social network which i don't usually spend my time on. I guess, i'm really sensitive to this 1 or 2 particular word/s which indeed upset me.
I didn't do what i did usually(usually i do it face to face/or thru talking on phone...) as i sms-ed it.
It was a VERY crude decision from me. Really.
Saying something like... "i don care anymore." is a very crude decision to me. And yet i said it but i didn't regret it although i'm kinda disappointed. Such decision was made by me because i feel that, that particular person will be hoping that from me...
i hope that person will be happy about it...
Today is just the 9th day of the year and i have broken my recored. Usually i will only say such a crude thing near/around the mid. I guess maybe because this person wanted it so much that i did it right away.
Saturday, January 8, 2011
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
I'm back. For good of course!
Decided to come back and will be saying "NO" in giving up this blog. Today is 5th January 2011. I'm confessing and wanting...
1.) Zining will DEFINITELY get into Lasalle College of Arts this year, taking Fashion Designing Course and will get herself a Degree Cert. + Scholarship After graduation in 3years time.
2.) I will SLEEP EARLIER THAN before and a MUST for me to have 7hours of sleep daily, sleeping at 11pm and doing my quiet time at around 10pm-10.45pm.
3.) Discipline myself in having my room clean and tidy daily.
4.) I WILL DEFINITELY be much more CLOSER to the Lord this year because i want to!
5.) Frequently finding inspiration for myself to continue my Dreams.
Ning, you are AWESOME! I've seen myself grow and become a more and more better person but i'm satified because there are still many flaws and imperfections lying around.
Gogogo!
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