Exchanged again.

We exchanged our glance to one another again. Yet, again. 3years have passed, why did we exchanged again? Yet again, it was a close one. Every time when it happens, it's like as if we are so near yet so far... i think deep, i prayed hard, i cried out. None, none of them are the ones which i'm willing to be... ... and i somehow gave up on it. My friends came to encourage me, i gave up on myself for that, i pushed them all away and i said to God, no, no more. Then i see you again. I ask myself, why is it you again?
Isn't having a crush on you enough? ain't falling for you hard enough?

Seriously... i said enough is enough. I said i don't want means don't want. Even though when i saw you, you made me changed my mind but... too much things happened that made me decided not to have any in future ever again But then... i know i would disappoint my parents for that... so... let time heal.

I promise myself that, those who were there screwing it all up, you guys don't stand a chance. My doors are closed to you... Especially that jerk who screwed up my best friend and my life. i really get annoyed when i think about what had happened and how screwed up it was... Seriously... it annoyed me and makes me feel very irritated as many things happened, it was not only that jerk thing... Trust me, because of those annoying screwed up things, it made me became hard on many guys. For 1 good reason: Fear.

Frankly speaking, if people were to ask me, is there anyone who will stand a chance, i would say yes, 2. Only that 2. The rest don't really qualify. Those who screwed up part of my life are definitely disqualify.

Good... Through this post... i have made myself very very clear, i suppose.

When we were a child back then…

  “    When i was a child, i never know what 'Ugly' meant. When pictures of me was taken, i never once complain about how i look. The doodles i drew were always seems to be the most beautiful piece of Art. Even when i met the nastiest person on earth, i never once used the word 'Ugly' on them even when i’m hurt by them emotionally, physically and rationally. Not until i was taught/learnt to use it, not until i have grown up…    ”

Don’t you find the above paragraph familiar? Perhaps we were all about the same when we were young in terms of thinking due to our innocence.
How many times have we now used the word 'Ugly' on certain subject? Or probably using it describing ourselves…
Perhaps we are all ugly in one or in another way in terms of our attitude/character/behavior but i always believe that no matter how ugly a person can be, there’s always a beautiful side of them.