Had an awesome day. Had a gathering with my mom’s siblings and my grandpa+grandma. It was really great as we all sat together and had small little chats. Frankly speaking, it has been very long ever since we last sat down and talk.
Yesterday, my paternal grandma asked me if I’m attach or not. It’s like… everyone is excited for me to get attach… Yesterday, after Reunion Dinner, I went home, sat on my Big chair in my room and think for awhile. This will be my plan for this year: Focus on my Portfolio, Get into Lasalle, Work for my Uncle, Continue to focus on my portfolio, master all the things that I’ll be learning in school from the month of July.
Simply, focusing on the things that I have planned for myself this year. I don’t plan to get into any relationship. Seriously… I tried hard to shake away the negative thoughts in my mind but every time I asked myself this question, “Zining, Do you want to get into any relationship, if yes, when?” Well, the truth is, I get really disappointed and upset whenever I think of it. Currently, Getting into Relationship is the topic I want to push away far from myself the most. Maybe Next year? Alright, I plan to ONLY get involve in Relationship after mid of 2012. At the same time, right now, got to try to overcome what’s in my mind and the things that disappoints me.
This year, few days ago, I told myself that I want to achieve something BIG for myself, may OR may not be related to my dream and vision. Well, actually, I want to participate in events OR activities OR competitions that will inspire people at the same time, knowing how much my self worth is and at the same time creating values in my life. Let’s be frank. I spent half of my life wanting, visualizing, planning, telling people how much I wanted to be a model and now, although I have something else to focus in life and run after in life, I felt that, I shouldn’t just let go of that dream that I had few years ago. I shouldn’t give up.
Back then, I spent time, effort and self practices(mirror practices of speech, catwalk-ing to and fro in my living room, watch videos after videos of what does it takes to become a model(runway), I did many stretches to force myself to become taller each day, I learn to groom myself better from those short clips, I pray to God hard, I went to look for companies after companies to see if any wants me(they only wants my $$ to build a portfolio), I went to interact with models and befriends with them… etc etc… Simply, I put lots of effort into it and when I decided and came to a conclusion that this will never work for me, I became depress and wanted to give up this dream of mine. In fact, becoming a Runway model was the 1st dream I ever had and was also the the 1st dream I put very much effort in trying hard to make it come true. Back then, due to the amount of depression and lack of support and verbally abused, I somehow put that dream of mine to a rest and I haven’t been talking about it nor thinking about it for about a year until recently, few days ago…. I felt that although I’m building up my portfolio for my Fashion Design course, although I’m running after my so called 2nd dream, I SHOULDN’T let my 1st dream just die away like that, in fact, I want to do something OR something even better to recue this 1st Dream of mine.
I want to be beautiful as a whole. I don’t want to be or neither look beautiful on the outside and have a corrupted heart and personality on the inside. I have seen people with the beauty on the outside and when they speak all the rough words, vulgarities all came out from their mouth, which ISN’T beautiful AT ALL! In fact, I find it really really ugly and I don’t want to be like that. I don’t speak vulgarities, I stopped using rough words but there’s something in me I’m still lack of which is stopping me to be beautiful and there’s something I’m lack of to become 1.
从新年初一开始, 我要把事做的跟好， 做的最好。 我不要因为自己的自私而拖累别人。我要用自己的能力和实力在加神的力量把事做的最要好， 为上帝服务， 也给上帝我最好的服务和精神。 我要做个女强人。
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