Alright, I will listen to You, I will let it go.

The other day, I shared something like… qualify, disqualify or whatever—crappy things..

but HEY! it’s really not crappy at all! Because right now it’s only left with one… So I heard my Heavenly Father spoke… It was the same speech as last year and last last year but this time it was more encouraging for me. And I finally let it go just with a blink of my eyes. I didn’t cry, I didn’t tear, I didn’t feel sad nor did I feel down.

I believe it was the voice of my Heavenly Father saying.. “Let him go my child, you have been holding on to him for this few years. You know he is not for you, my child. Why did you refuse to let him go?”

I replied in a depressing tone.. “Because I really love him… I really do.”

“Let him go, and I will bless you with someone who is more deserving of you.”

“God, do I even deserve such a good men? Do I even deserve a good built up creation of yours? I don’t feel so. I really don’t.”

“Yes, you do, my child. Each and every person in this world, I specifically, uniquely created them and because you are my child, you do. Let my words be planted in your heart and be bless!”

Somehow… I guess(because I’m still having doubts..)… I think i know who is the men that God wants to bless me for eternity… But…

I really don’t know… I’m unsure if it’s my thinking or God’s word. So I just let it be… I shared with some of my friends and those who knows it are actually quite happy for me… but I guess… i ‘m still having a little doubt. :/

- - -

Btw, I shared with A FEW people that one of my friend recommended me a friend… okaye… NO MORE, NO MORE! The other day I was praying and my God says “He’s not the one.” But I didn’t tell the person who recommended me… Because I only heard the voice a few weeks after I’m being recommended but thank goodness that during the same week… the guy feels that I’m not for him! Happy MAX!

Among each and every person I know, I’m the most stubborn person ever.

This is a post to myself.

Ning,

Every time I look at you, there’s really many things about you I really dislike especially your stubbornness but at the same time, I Love your stubbornness.

Sometimes, your stubbornness brought many many and really really lots of lots of misery to yourself, sometimes it brought heartache to your love ones, sometimes your stubbornness brought upon many troubles and problems to yourself, sometimes your stubbornness destroys some part of you, sometimes your stubbornness wasted some part of your life away and… sometimes your stubbornness brought you to success, victory… yes, it does save you… sometimes… some of the times.

Ning, I have to say… every time I look at you, I feel that you are extraordinarily special… There’s really a unique specialty about you that I really admire you. Some times I ask, who is ning?! Have she became another person or what?! You are so unique that whatever things you do in life, you are constantly… So frequently asking for that something. That something is always being looked down by others, being criticized by others, laughed by others. You always think and say the most crazy things that nobody would even want to think about it… You always plan to do the impossible things. You cried secretly in your room every time you feel discourage, sad, troubled… helpless and also… when you are lack of support. No matter what you face, I really like it that… many times, you said and readily prepared for defeat but always trying to make that little small change in a split second when it’s really near defeat. I like to see how discourage you becomes when you plan to give up on yourself… because if you don’t I guess you would have died long time ago.

I admire you… I really admire you for praying to that unknown God and pluck out the courage you had when you were so young saying so confidently, so boldly to mom and dad in front of that idolized altar saying that you will become a Christian one day, some day… You went searching for that something alone in the 1st place… I really like the Journey you had in searching for that something… Because you were so young back then, no one told you anything and you went around naively asking and searching for that something. Many laughed at you and made you a laughing stock but Thank Goodness, you were found and you have found.

I really like how you told yourself to have the courage to overcome things when you were 7. You forced yourself to enjoy and like things that many girls don’t. You wanted to get rid of having phobia towards insects that you forced yourself to catch cockroaches every time when it visit your house. You gave yourself challenges to catch insects and explore them, u saw the interesting patterns on those creatures and the different textile by putting them under bright lights for exploration. Eventually you fell in love with insects and always saying how beautiful they are although many said you have lose your mind.

Although I really wants to write more but I guess I will stop the story her straight. All I wanted to say is… Where have all your courage gone to? Weren’t you very bold back then? Since young, you always believe that no matter how impossible a situation is, everything can be done, now you have God, what are you hesitating? Work on it as it will surely definitely benefits you in future and of course in the journey of achieving your dreams and making your vision come true… and I’m sure all this I have written is something you are lack in and stopping you to do a wonderful portfolio.

Always remembers your motto: Strive for the best of the BEST. Excellence, Outstanding, Impressive, Creativity must never be out of your work.

Remember that your work have to meet up your own expectations, without anyone of this you know, you won’t be able to Shine for God. Because Excellence, Outstanding, Impressive, Creativity comes from God. Never for get that! I hope you will continue to work hard for your dream and even harder for that vision. Your Dream is the skeleton of the Vision that God is constantly expanding. Love you.

From Dearest and Most Sincerely,

God and Zining. 

I'm NOT perfect.

In my blog, almost everything are RANDOM! So... since you are here reading this, like it or not,, is really up to you...

In my blog i really typed out how i think, what i feel, things i wanna say and what's in my mind and of course... Vent my anger(in the past?)
Many many times i have thought of deleting my old blog and this blog's past entries although i REALLY REALLY do have the urge to do it but i want to let those happy and unpleasant memories to be a history...

I think i become very real as in a person when i blog... i write down my thoughts here, my struggles, my happiness(not a lot, i know), my emotions, my problems and my troubles.

I thought of deleting almost ALL the entries... But i reallly want to be Real to people about who i am...
I really have thought of things like... ...
What if the person i likes reads this?
What if the person whom likes me reads this?
What if i'm being judged?
What if people dislike me because of all this...?

Then again... i really want people to know who i was/am and what kind of person i am...

But... please take note that... I will never reveal things like...
-my visions
-things that my Heavenly father have spoken to me about...
-things which i feel i need to be improve...
-my crush
-ppl i like/interested

:D This 5 things above, if u wanna know, get to know me better then!
In fact have to be one of my close friends. :)

I really hope i would stop venting my anger and stop writing stupid things on... Blog, Facebook, Twitter and also verbally speaking it out... LOLs... Hopefully i will reaally stop... and of course... i think i should really trust my brother more... it's really unfair for him that all my friends have my trust(even that little bit of trust counts) but... my brother doesn't... Let me be frank... My brother did many many things that made me lose trust in him many time from the day we know how to communicate till now... 1 good example...
Always reading my Dairy w/o my acknowledgement and worse... spreading it to my mom, dad and his friends... Irritating much? Happens many times u know?! Lol... But... i try...
if i nev try, i won't know...

formspring.me

Ask me anything you want... not too personal. http://formspring.me/lzining

i will love my 2011.

This year will be the best year for me! :D Last year wasn't that bad just got screwed up by nonsensical people. Definitely won't let such a joke happens! I'm going to search for my star! :D

Have you ever been fired? If so, why?

Yes, because i had a fever,

Ask me anything you want... not too personal.

So have you thought of a solution to ur problem of grades needed to enter Lasalle?

No. i don't need a solution. If they accept me, it's God's will. If they don't, i believe that God have something better for me.

Ask me anything you want... not too personal.

Whao First FormSping Post. So What Question Should I Write Next? Leave A Answer Or Comments Thank :D

LOL! How i know what question should you write next? How bout your new year breakthrough? :)

Ask me anything you want... not too personal.

Exchanged again.

We exchanged our glance to one another again. Yet, again. 3years have passed, why did we exchanged again? Yet again, it was a close one. Every time when it happens, it's like as if we are so near yet so far... i think deep, i prayed hard, i cried out. None, none of them are the ones which i'm willing to be... ... and i somehow gave up on it. My friends came to encourage me, i gave up on myself for that, i pushed them all away and i said to God, no, no more. Then i see you again. I ask myself, why is it you again?
Isn't having a crush on you enough? ain't falling for you hard enough?

Seriously... i said enough is enough. I said i don't want means don't want. Even though when i saw you, you made me changed my mind but... too much things happened that made me decided not to have any in future ever again But then... i know i would disappoint my parents for that... so... let time heal.

I promise myself that, those who were there screwing it all up, you guys don't stand a chance. My doors are closed to you... Especially that jerk who screwed up my best friend and my life. i really get annoyed when i think about what had happened and how screwed up it was... Seriously... it annoyed me and makes me feel very irritated as many things happened, it was not only that jerk thing... Trust me, because of those annoying screwed up things, it made me became hard on many guys. For 1 good reason: Fear.

Frankly speaking, if people were to ask me, is there anyone who will stand a chance, i would say yes, 2. Only that 2. The rest don't really qualify. Those who screwed up part of my life are definitely disqualify.

Good... Through this post... i have made myself very very clear, i suppose.

For one moment, i suddenly thought of dying and ending my life.

i didn't do well for my O'levels. I told many and sweared to myself to go all outs to force my way into Art School and get that particular course. Then, this morning Xiaoyu called and told me that She got a bad news and that is...
Her boyfriend went to Lasalle and helped us checked things out and found out that... In order to get in, we need ATLEAST 4 passes with at least Grade C6 and/or above. It was a horror to us. Right after i hanged up her call, i lied on my bed and felt total all lost. i didn't know what to do and for a moment, i thought of ending my life.
Well, what ever things i do in life, there will definitely be a reason behind it all. Not an excuse but REAL reasons.  So i thought of a reason behind my suicide. That reason was... I'm unable to go for what i want as i failed terribly.
As i was thinking of commit Suicide, suddenly, many many, EXTREMELY lots of things rush to my head straight. Fast. Memories after memories just like a short 10seconds of different memories starts playing in my mind and then i was reminded...
Of my hardwork, Of God. I admit my O'lvl Art paper 1 was a last minute work, i admit that i screwed up my Paper 2, i admit that my N'lvl Art was extremely last min but behind all this, there's a great hardwork in it. Many nights have been sacrificed for the urge to complete it... In fact i have sacrificed many many things to make my dream come true. If i were to die right away, what am i to myself?
What for working so hard, praying so hard, hoping so hard, sacrificing so much, finding all help in the first place?

Right now, as i'm typing all this, i just suddenly got reminded of my Vision. I am reminded how that tiny little small vision like a mastered seed expanded so big. I shouldn't stop.

When this vision of mine come to pass, not only it's my dream come true but it's also a dream come true to many many people.

Forget about the Money. Forget about the price-tag for the current state. I'm wanna make it happen. I wanna study Fashion Design. i want to learn to transform an ordinary fabric to something wearable in my own way, to something that looks so outstanding that many will be impress constantly.

I want to Shine for God. I still have hope as i was told that we are sill able to apply. TOmorrow, i will be going over to XiaoYu's placve which is just 50m away from my place to brain-stomp something out. We... need to think of a solution!

Disappointed.

I thought Everything was over and settled. Yes it was over and settled in a very messy, demanding, upset way. (<-This is what i feel.)
I don want to share much here because it's really something very sensitive as i have already share enough.
Although it was put to an end but i guess the worse thing is that such related stuff appear 1week later on some social network which i don't usually spend my time on. I guess, i'm really sensitive to this 1 or 2 particular word/s which indeed upset me.
I didn't do what i did usually(usually i do it face to face/or thru talking on phone...) as i sms-ed it.
It was a VERY crude decision from me. Really.
Saying something like... "i don care anymore." is a very crude decision to me. And yet i said it but i didn't regret it although i'm kinda disappointed. Such decision was made by me because i feel that, that particular person will be hoping that from me...

i hope that person will be happy about it...

Today is just the 9th day of the year and i have broken my recored. Usually i will only say such a crude thing near/around the mid. I guess maybe because this person wanted it so much that i did it right away.

Who do you think likes you now?

Likes me? My friends! Who else can i think of?

Ask me anything you want... not too personal.

Что подарить ДРУГУ на день рождения? ему исполняется 16 лет

вы сами.

Ask me anything you want... not too personal.

I'm back. For good of course!

Decided to come back and will be saying "NO" in giving up this blog. Today is 5th January 2011. I'm confessing and wanting...
1.) Zining will DEFINITELY get into Lasalle College of Arts this year, taking Fashion Designing Course and will get herself a Degree Cert. + Scholarship After graduation in 3years time.

2.) I will SLEEP EARLIER THAN before and a MUST for me to have 7hours of sleep daily, sleeping at 11pm and doing my quiet time at around 10pm-10.45pm.

3.) Discipline myself in having my room clean and tidy daily.

4.) I WILL DEFINITELY be much more CLOSER to the Lord this year because i want to!

5.) Frequently finding inspiration for myself to continue my Dreams.

Ning, you are AWESOME! I've seen myself grow and become a more and more better person but i'm satified because there are still many flaws and imperfections lying around.

Gogogo!